Extra Credit

There is one element of this book that makes me extremely frustrated. More than the slow plot and the shallow characters-- I absolutely despise how the book talks about sex and I especially despise how the author talks about sex and roles in marriage. This author repeatedly inserts the ideas that sex in marriage is due to a husband, all for his pleasure, and that a husband is exempt from rape. Christine and Ben are in a unique position due to her memory condition, yet the author, S.J. Watson, continues to enforce these misogynistic rules onto them.

First, the idea that sex in marriage is due to a husband is permeated throughout the book. When Ben first attempts to have sex with Christine, Christine has to fight him off. She then feels immediately guilty for depriving and describes his disappointment and “struggle” sympathetically. Christine then says, “I am his wife; he should not have to seduce me everytime he wants us to have sex,” demonstrating the idea that non-romantic sex is owed to a husband. I personally believe that a partner does not owe their partner perfunctory sex solely because they are married. Secondly, Christine views him as a complete stranger who she is not sure she can trust, which makes it even more questionable that Ben feels entitled to sex. Their dynamic also demonstrates the idea that sex is all for a man’s pleasure. Though Christine demonstrates mild pleasure at some times, Ben is the only one who actually graphically benefits from the intercourse throughout the book, and Christine’s guilt is that of depriving him that pleasure. She still continuously calls their interactions “making love”, however, insinuating that this imbalance of power and pleasure is normal and loving.

Additionally, there are questionable ideas and values surrounding rape and assault in Before I Go to Sleep. At one point, Christine remembers having sex with Ben before her accident. She protests: “‘Stop it! I said. ‘Don’t--’ But even though I was saying no, asking him to stop, I felt as though I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anyone before.” In this scenario, I believe first that Ben should have checked in with her, stopped, and listened, instead of continuing on in an unfeeling and rape-like manner. But not only does this quote show betraying consent as romantic, it is asserting that when people protest sex, they secretly want it. Later in the month, Ben starts initiating sexual contact after a dinner out. “I have asked for this, I [Christine] thought. By wearing that stupid dress, by putting on makeup and perfume, by asking him to kiss me before we went out.” No person asks for rape by putting on certain clothes or makeup or kissing. This is a harmful and toxic notion that justifies crimes of rape and assault all too often, and should not be used to excuse Ben’s behavior of rape, though it is never mentioned as rape (I suspect due to the fact that they are married).

Though my gut instinct was that these unhealthy ideals come from the author himself, after reading the ending (where Ben, who I found was the main source of problems, turned out to be the “bad guy”) I definitely acknowledge the possibility of the author creating purposefully misogynistic characters. I have not read his one other book, so I cannot decide one way or the other, but if it was his goal to portray the sexism present as part of what makes Ben a bad person, I feel he did not do so effectively.